10 Common Phrases This Non-Parent Hears Parents Always Say
The otherwise excellent local library has one significant design flaw, the work tables are on a balcony that overlooks a slate covered lobby. The effect is that of a sound studio filled with parents chatting up their kids. As a non-parent, I had forgotten how many phrases seem to be repeated by all parents since at least the time of my youth. Here are some of my favorites.
1. “OK, what is it now?” (Using the exasperated parent voice.)
2. “Now you know how it feels.” (This one was always a little troubling to me.)
3. “Unh-uhn, come this way. Uhn-uhn, this way. Uhn-uhn, I SAID this way!” (Grunt-like sounds are a common form of parental communication.)
4. “You are perfectly capable of –“(Enter an action here such as “carrying your own books.”)
5. (Using that special parental rapid repetition technique) “Leave it, Leave it, leave it. I SAID LEAVE IT!” (Parents seem to think telling the kids that they actually said what they have just said multiple times is a successful strategy for bringing about the desired result.)
6. “You have been VERY BAD today so –“(Insert the threat of not being allowed the usage of something the Kid wants usage usually involving “screens” or a subset thereof.)
7. “Let’s go see if we can find your –“(Insert Daddy, Mommy, your brother, etc. It seems there is an unsettling tendency for parents to lose people.)
8. “(Insert Kid’s name) apologize to (him/her)… tell (her/him) that you are sorry. (This is followed by a disgruntled apology that indicates the kid is anything but sorry.)
(NOTE: This constant avoidance of contractions often make Parents sound like they’re talking to non-English speaking foreigners.)
9. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1! (In a different age, this countdown would be followed by the snapping of a belt. Today a countdown just backs the parent into a corner. There is no climax that can match the threat that proceeded it. It’s kind of like a Stephen King novel.)
10. And of course the biggie, “Don’t!” There are lots and lots of “Don’t”s.
Well, it must work. I could never raise kids. I would have to take constant naps. It amazes me how quickly they go from happy to screaming to crying. Rinse, spin, rewash. Kudos to all parents!